Masochism 101

I started summer school last night. I’m not entirely sure this is how I want to spend my summer, but I’m fairly certain it will put a dent in my social life and possibly make me doubt my will to live.

Why would anyone willingly do this to themselves? I’m applying for a PhD program soon, and I have a few prerequisites to clear up…thus, summer night classes at Sac City College for me. Given that the last time I cracked a textbook was, oh, around the turn of the century–literally–it’s fair to say I’m rusty at this studying thing (for example, right now, I should be studying. Instead, I’m blogging. Equals procrastination.).

Things have changed a wee bit, too. First, I admit, it was strange to be in a class with undergrads–and not just any undergrads…fresh-out-of-high-school undergrads. (Thankfully, I’m not the only old fart in the class. There’s at least 3 or 4 of us over, say, 30.) If last night’s class is any indicator, our high school system is sadly broken. Anyhoo, that’s for someone else to bitch about. I’d also forgotten how much college lecturers digress. It’s as if they get paid by the word…I kept having to stop myself from screaming, “Get to the point, already!” Of course, I realized that the lecturer is dealing with the fact that he’s practically babysitting in some cases, so he has to explain everything in three different ways–and even then he’s met with slack-jawed, empty-eyed staring.

Most of the students appeared to be in comas and/or slightly stoned, which is pretty much how I remember College v. 1.0, too. The industrious student next to me was taking copious notes on her laptop, or so I thought until I peeked over at her screen and realized she was madly chatting away on Facebook. All I can say is, I hope this guy grades on a curve, because I am going to ruin these little shits’ GPAs. Very little motivates me more than the desire to wage intergenerational warfare, on occasion. Peaceful warfare, of course. (Now majoring in oxymorons…)

Apparently, instructors no longer assign homework, either. McGraw Hill does it for them, via a lovely interactive website called, aptly, “Homework Manager.” All I had to do was figure out my student ID number, register for my Sac City iMail account, find the homework website, register for a new MH account, fail, try again, get an error message telling me my last name was “invalid,” start over, fail, and…frankly, I was asking myself what is wrong with handing out and collecting assignments in class? Too old school, I suppose. Once I got all that sorted, I clicked on the first homework assignment. I noticed there are no due dates and the form says I have “unlimited” attempts to complete the assignment. (Is this one of those things where everyone gets a ribbon at the end, too?)

All of this is seeming a bit surreal. I clicked a button and Question 1 popped up. Piece of cake. I left the box blank and clicked “next” to see question 2…and the answer for question 1 popped up. Now, back in the day, we didn’t get to see the answers to the homework until after it had been graded. I have no idea what this means, but I think it means I’ll pretty much get 100% on my homework assignments.

I just keep telling myself it’s only a couple of courses, and then I get to go play with the grownups…